I Am a Woman Surfing on a Masculine Wave

I surfed that wave too. I thought that was how it should be, because performing was what was expected of me. What else would I be in this world for, if not to be good and to make other people happy with how capable, amazing, helpful, knowledgeable, willing and intelligent I am.

I lifted weights and wore designer suits. Pantsuits. It was only thanks to a spiritual awakening that I understood how brutally (yes, that word is here on purpose) inauthentic I am.

Because it wouldn't do to let the outside world see that I'm sometimes:

• completely worthless and I feel like crawling under a blanket, sipping tea and staring into space,
• resentful, and I envy other people their toned bellies, foreign scholarships or knowledge of foreign languages,
• unproductive and I kill precious time watching mindless TV series,
• unspiritual and now and then I sink into low entertainment in the form of alcohol and marijuana,
• not pretty, when I wake up with bags under my eyes, yesterday's smudged mascara and a pimple on my chin,
• weak and I replay some criticism in my head over and over until I'm numb,
• insecure and I compare myself to others, who are, in my view, further along and higher up,
• incompetent, when I make a mistake at work that my colleague has to smooth over for me,
• A WOMAN.

What? What does it mean that it wouldn't do for me to show that I am a woman? This must be some kind of mistake, because I am glad that I'm a woman, and I like noticing men's admiration, to feel sexy and to use my smile in moments of crisis.

I used to think that this was womanhood. Breasts, a vagina, pretty eyes, perfume and plucked eyebrows. I thought I'd pull these outer attributes over a shape molded by a masculine approach to life, and I'd be complete.

Nope! My inner man ruled and inner woman she was his subject

She showed herself only when HE saw fit. He assigned her subordinate roles and treated her as the face of a pretty package, that came in handy now and then. Oof, it hurt when it dawned on me.

I came to understand that womanhood is deep, wild and untamed. It can't be dressed up in a costume and plotted on a graph. It can't be locked into rules and expected to respond the same way every time. Its domain is changeability and emotion.

To truly meet my inner woman, to feel her in my heart, I had to give up my emotional stability and also my well-cultivated poker face.

I stopped being predictable and reliable. I left behind my laced-up rigidity and the good girl. Because a mature, grown woman wasn't afraid to own her opinion, even when it didn't match the majority.

It was a lesson that taught me to stand up for myself and to reveal my fragility. Showing it to the world wasn't as hard as first admitting it to myself.

Is this really me? This imperfect being who doesn't meet her goals with a snap of the fingers?

When I began to search my subconscious to uncover the roots of this pattern of mine, I discovered that these were the pivotal moments. Here's how you can work with them, in case you recognize yourself in some of these points too.

1. Dad wanted a boy after two daughters

BELIEF:

I'll never be a boy, and therefore I'm failing from the very start. I can't live up to Daddy's expectations, so I'm bad. Womanhood is bad. Or at least worse. I don't want to be a woman. I'll disguise myself and I'll be better than any guy out there.

SOLUTION:

I go to my inner child. To the tiny, unaccepted little Tereza, who doubts her choice of body. I stroke her. I cradle her in my palms and show her how beautiful and powerful womanhood is. I walk her through my pregnancies, births, lovemaking, through the mystery I can bring into the world through my womb, and I whisper into her ear that there is majesty in being a woman.

TRANSFORMATION:

Little Tereza accepts the gift of womanhood and she is aware that within her body dwells a jewel that will one day be able to give a home to other beings who come into this world. She feels honored by her womanhood, and looks forward to handling it consciously.

2. Womanhood hurts, because Mom suffered

BELIEF:

I feel for Mom and I connect her suffering with womanhood. I see how she is oppressed, humiliated and driven into a corner. Her feminine weakness is to blame. She is at the mercy of men who rule and hold power over her life. Womanhood is weak and painful. It brings nothing but trouble and will always be worth less than manhood.

SOLUTION:

I go to my inner child. To the tiny, frightened little Tereza, who is afraid she will suffer too. She doesn't want it this way. She doesn't want to be a rag doll tossed around by powerful, domineering men.

I show her what wonderful men I have around me. I also introduce her to the present-day society around me, where womanhood and manhood are in harmony.

I point out the qualities men don't have, and I highlight the power of developed womanhood, whether it's the ability to create a home, to give birth to children, to sense intuition and to be attuned to the visions that come from the subtle world. I whisper into her ear that being a woman is a mystical journey full of insight and blossoming.

TRANSFORMATION:

Little Tereza looks forward to the depth of experience in a woman's body. She understands that a woman's strength lies not in how she looks, but in what she experiences in her inner world and in what strength she is in touch with. She realizes that a woman is not subordinate to a man unless she willingly hands him her power.

3. Today's world is hard and there's no place in it for womanhood

BELIEF:

Womanhood is not welcome here, and certainly not understood. The world is cruel, merciless, and you need sharp elbows. Femininity is seen as weakness and is neither valued nor protected.

SOLUTION:

I go to my inner child. To the tiny, terrified little Tereza, who doesn't believe she can hold her own in this world. And certainly not in a woman's body. I show her how feminine consciousness is on the rise, how women's circles are forming, how women are reclaiming their power in childbirth and how women show one another respect and support.

I guide her through my life and show her that I have a whole host of extraordinary women around me, who are settled within themselves and live a fulfilling life that reaches far beyond them. I whisper into her ear that the power of womanhood has already awakened and shows itself so strongly and in so many women that it cannot be ignored. On the contrary, society is gradually changing and, thanks to women, growing healthier.

TRANSFORMATION:

Little Tereza accepts the challenge to express and share her womanhood in this very society, and she knows she has what it takes. She has understood that right now she has a choice. Either to sink womanhood once again with her fear, or to help lift it from the ashes with her strength. She chooses the second option and looks forward to meeting her fellow women who share the same intention.

The result of these three dives is a woman who did ride the masculine wave, but understood in time and made a change

Today's Tereza is grown-up, grateful for her womanhood, and uses its potential with joy and reverence. Unlike in earlier years, her period is regular, easy and moderate. She is attuned to her cycle and respects her body. She has made friends with her womb and knows she can rely on it.

And where are you with your own femininity in this yang world?

What fears do you carry, and which little girls inside you need calming and soothing, so they can shift into trust and the feeling that being a woman and expressing yourself as one is safe and welcome?

I hear most of those negative beliefs from my clients too. Read them once more, one by one, close your eyes and let them echo inside you. You may find you're carrying some of them as well. The solution is fairly simple, as I hinted above.

You can also pamper your womanhood with the meditation Awakening Femininity. Download it for free HERE>>>.

Don't be afraid of tears. They are cleansing and will help prepare the ground within you for a new seed that symbolizes accepted and expressed womanhood.